bottomline…底线

Okays, it’s this time of the year again where WordPress has this snowing feature for its pages ^^ the holiday season is coming and um… yea there is nothing much to say anyways… maybe except for the fact that i have been feeling really lazy and sluggish, and not really doing any work :/

nevertheless, if i were to look back at this year i can only say that time really flies, and it feels quite surreal about what the working world has to offer in time to come? anyways so i came across something today and i just wanted to share, it has got to do with one’s bottomline (is this the correct word?) in Chinese it is call 底线, something like the one guiding principle or one measure that you will never betray or cross no matter the circumstances.

coming back to this, my bottomline is i hope and want to always share the fact about situations and maybe even conflicting position of interests… saying how you really feel. it may be unpleasant, it may bring outcomes that are not exactly satisfying, but to me if things does not turn for the better, at least i can live with it; and perhaps then it’s really not meant to be. sometimes it is also an indication of being stubborn, but really, why not be kinder to yourself (make yourself feel better)… and for people who are worth it and for people who matter to you, at least you didn’t try to cover it up.

okay i am digressing a little, but i often think that we choose the position we want to be in, and the world will reciprocate depending on your choice. 用什么样的眼光去看世界你就拥有什么样的世界;你把世界想复杂了它就是复杂的,你不接受的复杂其实它就不属于你。

What I have, what you have, what we treasure…?

This post is a pretty impromptu one after seeing what one of my Chinese friend posted on her social media. I have to admit that there were a lot of times where I kept seeking new things to buy, new experiences to be accumulated, and having new stories to share… More often than not when I think about all these wants, I have never really pause to think if they are really what I need, or are they just a spur of a moment’s frivolous desires. And I have never think about whether I treasure the things that I have…

Anyways, today I saw my Chinese friend posting about her maiden trip to Beijing’s famous Peking Duck Restaurant, and she shared this particular dining experience with such joy and satisfaction… It makes me think back on when was my first time tasting Peking Duck in its place of origin? I was only 14 back then. Suddenly it strikes me, a person who has been living in his/her own country for the past 23 years have not tasted their version of national dish? Hmm… why? Hmm…

Another encounter was when I was updating my other friend about my travel plans, and I expressed hopes of meeting up if he will be traveling to a similar destination i.e. Taiwan. His reply came along the lines of, “You’re traveling again?”… On hindsight, their varied responses makes me think about my position against theirs… I am fortunate to have the resources and chance to pursue what I enjoy doing (most of the time at least), and never did I pause to think about this relatively privileged position that I am in.

I guess it is not so much of sharing how lucky I am or how lives could be better for others, what matters more is perhaps at every stage, we treasure what we have. And on this note, I think I should always remind myself to not take things for granted and even give back when I can.

To add on, when I was previously doing research, I came across this respondent who shared the importance of seeing our position in this world. She shared, ‘Children of Singapore, or even people of Singapore, in general they are lucky to have been born in this country. Most things are generally well taken-care of, and it is a small ship that moves fast. However, once the tides have changed, effects that this ship can experience will be very pronounced’. Yes truly, perhaps by realising our vulnerabilities, our strengths, and simply being conscious to treasure the advantage we hold, it makes you think through things in a more prudent manner?

Yea, and so beyond conversations on Peking duck and ‘extensive’ traveling, I am kind of glad to have friends who are around to share their stories. They serve as a reminder for me to take an interest in people’s lives, reflect on my own life, and simply listening to show my care.

Reciprocate…?

It’s Hari Raya tomorrow, and this year in particular it had some special meaning for me (not just any public holiday)… because i am visiting my friend’s house and it’ll be a first for me. i always knew we’re a multi-racial society and country (the nation building stuff aside), but somehow the environment that i grew up in offered so little of it.

i guess for the first ten years of my life when we’re still living in our old house, i fondly remember my malay neighbours giving us home-made cookies and us to them (on both CNY and Hari Raya). yet such a gesture was not carried forward when we moved, simply because we did not have any malay neighbours in our block.

and of course comes the school environment, where even in AJ there were very few exchanges about the different customs. but it kind of changed this year when i was doing my attachment, i had a malay colleague who was really friendly and outspoken.. she would talk to us and share snippets of what they do during ramadan, albeit minimal. in addition, my attachment offers me the chance to interact with the students who are fasting and they would sometimes share their mood for the day.. such small interaction offers a glimpse and understanding into a different culture (bit by bit)~

i guess even though such an ‘exposure’ didn’t last long, it meant something to me because for the first time (almost) in my life, i had such a close understanding of the muslim culture… that made me want to know more, and luckily our Rinie at home would also share with me when i asked her.

at this point i’ve digress from what i wanted to share… it’s about reciprocating… i once learnt in this self-awareness course that: to understand what kind of giving-person you are, you should look into what you will give to others when expressing gratitude or feelings. at this point mine is pretty clear: writing letters and notes to people, and i would definitely appreciate if people return the gesture. that said, today Rinie bought me a shirt and that was pretty unexpected…

i didn’t want to feel like i am taking her for granted, and besides the multiple ‘thank yous’ i did not know what else i can do to show her my appreciation.. that self-awareness course came into mind, so i bought her lots of snacks for her to munch when she’s out tmr~  it’s not really about ‘paying’ back but more of ‘i want to show you my appreciation’..

it leads me to think that sometimes we could overthink things, and something as simple as showing our care and concern for others may be interpreted as otherwise.. that said, i’m trying to be more introspective and become more aware of my surroundings.. just so that i can truly be comfortable around people and perhaps make them comfortable around me too.. but i guess part of me still wants to protect that clueless disposition and ‘hide’ in my own world.

Half-way there, and maybe not…

Yeap I’m a bit more than halfway into my 4-weeks teaching attachment program.. and since i am not a really good writer i’m not sure if i’ll do justice to my reflection here.

nevertheless it will be something i’m going to put down in words, just so that one day in the future i might come back and read about it (and maybe see how i have or have not grown up…) i remember us having to share about why we take up teaching at the start, and that sharing itself was a humbling experience.

i met peers my age who are genuinely passionate and know what and why they want to go into teaching right from the start, and i have also personally confessed that i didn’t want to be a teacher.

i was actually against being one, until i decided to apply to be one eventually (that is after i graduate).

you know how some things you have to try for yourself before you make a decision, and then there is also the cliche saying of: never say never? yeap.. actually if you ask me why i chose this profession i might not actually be able to spell it out clearly? simply because i do not think it is a profession where your feelings towards it can be spelled out clearly and empirically.

but one thing i do keep in mind is: i want a job that teach me and let me learn as much as i can through meeting people.

call it selfish or anything, i actually chose teaching because i know it will not be a ‘boring’ job and it will not be desk-bound. more importantly it is something that allows me to interact with people, and young people.. i truly believe that who you surround yourself with will shape you as a person, so being with young people makes me young too?

anyways, the current attachment experience i’ve had is really humbling. just being with the students itself is a joy, although they can sometimes be annoying and we even have minor generation gap. but interacting with them teaches me and constantly remind me that sincerity is the way to go when communicating with others. secondly, classroom management is an art. everyone has his/her own style, and whatever works for you it’s great (of course it transform and evolve as time goes by).

today i also met a contract teacher, who shared her background and story with me. teaching being her second career and how she found meaning in the job.

maybe im being repetitive and not making a point here, but if there is one thing i can take away so far it will be: everyone has a story to tell (teacher or student), and the education industry offers this chance for you to discover the good in people and maybe also the good in yourself.

i am half-way into my attachment.. and i think maybe not even half-way in the journey to becoming a teacher. because being/becoming a teacher never stops, perhaps until the day you quit the force? hmmm..

Night Thoughts

Do you know there is actually a poem that is titled “Night Thoughts”? i didn’t know until i googled it, and it’s a really random process.. because i wanted to know if there’s a term that can describe a person thinking so much more at night as compared to day time.

have you ever experienced it where you start to think more about things when nights falls, and most of the time it’s on topics that may not be directly associated with your work (what one is primarily doing i.e. working, studying etc… ) i kind of like the late-night thinking bit, but sometimes it gets a little overwhelming and even futile…

i once read a Chinese book where the author suggests: don’t think too much, but rather go out there and start doing (take action). apparently because thinking may give the false impression that you are actually doing something worthy and accomplishing something, but the thoughts don’t necessarily translate into actions. i guess it isn’t wrong, and i also interpret as how the author advised against overthinking. nevertheless thinking may translate into introspection too…

once again it is at such an hour that random thoughts come ‘flying’ into my mind… most of the time they ‘speak’ to me in Chinese and i suddenly had this thought: 一个人可以没有原则,而这样的人很多时候有很大的容忍度。但是请不要把没原则与没底线混淆了。因为每个人有的一定是底线,越过了后果自负。

i don’t really think i can offer a good English translation… sometimes i marvel at the beauty of a language, yet at the same time i also think about how i am still inadequate in switching freely between two different languages.

on a side note i have been trying to read more now, both academic and non-academic materials… after two to three weeks of not touching books and texts since exams, it is really quite challenging to pick up the momentum. i guess i have to start at some point, and hopefully i can carry it through.. in fact i have to~

“人与人之间,以诚相待,大家都为我们心中的善而不懈追求。” 🙂 

心境.心静

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秋天来得太快,去的太快。。不知不觉中已经立秋了

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有什么能够比在世界的喧扰之余找到让自己平静、放空的时刻来的更快乐呢?

打出来同样的拼音,三个不同的词出现了;其实跟我想说的也没什么关系,或许写些东西就是一种愉悦自己的方式罢了。今天课堂上老师问:“你们是否有 “修行”?如果有时你在发呆或许那也是一种修行。或许你在看着一片湖水时脑子是放空的,那其实也是一种修行。” 这么看来有时我也在修行 ^^

本想发发牢骚把一些遇到不愉快的事都说出来,但是我始终是个很纠结也不愿分享一些不愉快的人,所以还是算了吧。在隐藏真实感受的基础上,我觉得只选择分享好的事情或许应该是心态上的改变。

因为以往会让自己不愉快的事,在过了半天后似乎又微不足道了。反正船到桥头自然直,但是我却不喜欢这种常用的庸俗句子。

最近看到了一篇文章上面写着:“云在青天水在瓶。保持一颗平常心,在纷纷扰扰的环境中,不以物喜,不以己悲。只是执着的向着既定目标出发,或许路边的各式困扰会让人一时迷茫,不过动摇过之后,则是更加坚定的向前。”

现在的心情我想用以上的句子来表达(就算我文采不够丰富好了。。)静下来了,这不是逆来顺受但却是一种对自己内心变得更强大的快乐。

其实有很多道理和想法都已经被别人说过了。自己领悟到的或许是晚一步的,但也希望自己会去吸收这些“精华”;因为那也是对自己成长的一种交代吧?或许这句话也已经有人说过了哦~

Milestone aka 里程碑

写这篇博客还是蛮突如其来的。。因为突然有这样的想法:在你想完全地享受人生的里程碑之前,你必须直视一些自己不愿意的事实。最后给予自己解脱的你,才拥有最宽容的心去体验这段时光。

很多人问我为什么我选择去中国交换,我常说因为我要到哪儿完成我的汉学课程。但是最初的选择是因为我的成绩不够好得让我去我想申请的西方国家。
现在你可能会问遗憾、后悔吗?没有。

坦白说我在学术上除了汉学,而且对我主修的地理没觉得有特别大的帮助。如果想要对比。。
中国没有非常漂亮的秋季,它的青山绿水或许只有中国彩画才衬托得出、它的青山绿水或许也不像西方国家的那样能构成一张好照片、它的人民也许不懂什么叫排队 等等。有时你不了解的现象会让你感到无奈,让你想问一句为什么不接纳更有效率的做法呢?

但是,在复杂中我看到了更多让我钦佩的中国。这不仅仅是好吃的食物、发达的火车系统、便宜的消费水平。。我的接触让我渐渐了解到,你看的现象背后都有一股推着它演变的动力和故事。有些本质是我们观察不到的,有些本质甚至身为一个华人在我自己身上也看得到。所以我学会摘下我的有色眼镜,然而我知道当下的了解有限也需要更多的时间去弄清楚。我也愿意在这条了解的道路上继续前行,就像我在这里每天看到那些不论风吹雨打而继续前行的人们。*又矫情了*

谁的青春不迷茫?里程碑不是每次都有,但是有的时候希望我们都记得牢!
我学到以及得到的是属于我自己的经历。年轻时分布在不同地方的我们都正努力地创造出属于自己的体验,并迎接未来将属于我们的那片天。

愿,一切安好。