2016 has started on quite an uneasy mood? i can’t really pinpoint what’s wrong, maybe it’s school work piling up, maybe it’s anxiety about where i am going next, or maybe it is still doubt about whether i can perform on my job, or maybe it’s annoyance at why are people “acting up”
perhaps for the start of 2016 some mood and thoughts are quite unsettling.. why do i feel the way i do, why do i not understand people’s emotions, or why am i unhappy about people’s choices/way of expression.
and as usual, i don’t think these negative emotions are made known to people around me. i am coming to terms that i need to digest things on my own first, and if i really need help i will go to people for help. sometimes this is also the reason why i write letters. sometimes this is why people think i have no emotions~
so coming back to time and communication… it started with an unhappy sentiment that i held towards my parents. personally i really dislike loud noises or just conflict in general (i am the dove in DOPE test, this one i strongly believe in, don’t ask why.), and inevitably in a home you get all sorts of interactions (happy moments and conflicts too). recently it’s just a general vibe that everyone is getting impatient towards each other and my response is to ignore everyone. to the point that i am keeping to myself or just barking at others when they break that moment of solitude… of course it proves to be unhealthy.
anyways yesterday on a chanced encounter i asked the usual “so what happened to … that you mentioned”although i have no idea why i asked, it’s just a gut feeling that maybe i need to show that i care, and i am glad i did. my parents shared things they encountered from work, and basically it is just them sharing what happened at work or what troubled them. it was nothing like i need your advice, it was simply sharing and through the sharing i learnt how they deal with things too~
at the end of our conversation, the mood seems to lighten up… all those feelings of impatient and annoyance since the beginning of 2016 disappeared. thinking back, everything do happen for a reason… had i known that they were feeling troubled, i would be more forgiving. and i am still trying to work on this –> to let it go when someone is exuding horrible attitude. but i guess i am just human and it’s okay to have negative sentiments~
then when i think back about communication… how do we get someone to share with us? personally i wouldn’t unless i really need to, and i do think the kind of person you are affects the kind of approaches you deal with people. i usually think my friends/people around me will tell me things if they want to, if not no point asking right…
to pen this down is really quite cathartic, at least i found a reason for feeling horrible or annoyed.. and while there are still worries or things that occupies me, i am slowly coming to terms that the complexities of emotions make us human. but, how we make sense of these complexities, how we handle/deal with them, make us the kind of person we are.
PS: nts, 废话，领悟到但是行动起来还是有点挑战的吧~