Hmmm, so we submitted our HTs to the department on Monday and over the past three days i’ve seen so many of my peers post about their experience… this is not meant to be a ‘yay! i complete my HT’ kind of post, but maybe a record that i can look back on in the future (whatever maybe i will look back and see how childish my writing is)? anyways so it will not contain individual acknowledgement etc.
so when i submitted my HT, it was a: ‘it finally ended’ moment… because so often in the process i’ve been doubting myself… whether i can complete it, and if it’ll be up to my own expectations. then there came a point when i really question why am i writing a HT when: 1. i am really not good in writing, i once received comments that i write in a convoluted manner; 2. i am not sure if what i am doing is meaningful and 3. at one point i was so scared to receive comments for my writing (this i attribute it to being stubborn)..
of course gradually (and thankfully) the HT progressed, and looking back at all my interviews i realised perhaps (and hopefully) through me, a small part of their experiences and voices are heard. beyond helping them, i have benefitted the most from all of this.
i’ve met people whom i thought were out of my reach, and they’re all so eager and helpful to share their stories. i think the best part has been finding that trust in people again, and finding that sincerity to guide myself.
in one way of another, this hasn’t been an easy journey but it is also not as tough as it appears to be.. but it definitely lets you learn so much more about yourself, and the world around you, albeit limited..
honestly speaking when it’s all over, personally i do not feel a surge of emotions or excitement. it’s a small part of my life (and school life), and i didn’t emphasise my ‘thank yous’, not even explicitly in the acknowledgement page..
not because i am not thankful, i am, really. the support system i have really helped me get through tough moments.
but i hope for myself to treat these people (family, friends, etc.) in a consistent manner, that they are valued by me even in non-crucial circumstances.
perhaps one of my favourite phrase would sum it up: “懂你的人不需要解释，不懂你的人你也不屑解释” it’s the same for thank-yous: 懂你的人你不需要特别鸣谢，不懂你的人’谢谢’说多了也显得客套。
and somehow i feel more calm than ever writing this. 很抱歉这显得很冷漠，但是我特别喜欢心照不宣，也更喜欢实际行动的感觉。