一切安好

我已经到内地啦,准确来说是上海。随后再到杭州,上海这边又遇到了两年前一起玩的长辈和朋友所以非常的愉快。其中也很庆幸能够认识他们并与他们很好地交流,而且真的是非常的好客和友善让我有家的感觉。。

距离到杭州的日子很短,心中期待也忐忑。。可能因为选科的事还没确定所以不知道上课的状况会是怎样的,希望一切都顺利吧。上次和另一位新加坡的朋友谈到她在上海而我在杭州,即使想结个半也不容易啊。。有时就是远水救不了近火,不过我就认为目前来看还是不要想会发生“近火”这事儿吧!

似乎有好多要说的可是真正想说的时候又觉得没关系吧。。希望新加坡那边一切安好因为目前来看我过得很好 ^^

happy pill…

leaving in two days time, for a 5-month learning experience, adventure.. to handle stress, happiness, moodiness, joy, gratefulness and kindness all on my own.

i definitely have this feeling of trepidation, and sometimes i even thought of not going anymore (in the past i’ve heard of people feeling like this and i wondered why would anyone think like that? but this is very real…) i guess taking that first step out is most important, and this is really a test for myself.

i thank my friends for all the encouragement, and reminders that i have to constantly be introspective on this “journey of self and world”.. i am thankful that at this point people around me all have so much faith that i can’t help but be reminded by one friend’s sharing before my a-level general paper… he said, “have faith in yourself because others have faith in you”.

even though it might not be easy, i’ll try and will do what makes me become happy in a short period of time… happy music.. i am actually playing this piece as sight-reading the past two lesson, but imagine the speed of my playing is about 3/4 only.. hah

and on more thing, i am starting to like Clementi more and more.. just really delightful and joyful classical pieces.. anyways.. cheers to happy music and its happy pill effect 🙂

my leaped of faith – Geog Soc

I know the common saying is “leap of faith”.. but i’m using the past-tense because this post is essentially about a decision made and how it influenced a large part of my life in NUS. since i’m leaving for exchange soon as a year three, i guess it will be good to look back at one of the things that really defined my first two years in university.

today i am going to touch on my reflection about the NUS Geographical Society (Geog Soc)whether you are interested or not..

frankly speaking i have no idea why i want to join the Geog Soc when i was a year one, if you ask me now i still cannot tell you why i joined it in the first place except to make sure i have friends.. and i was even contemplating whether i want a cca since we all know most things in university are based on your choice and nothing is compulsory..

the start…
i joined the Geography Freshmen Immersion Camp because i know i will major in Geography and i reckon it won’t hurt if i can make friends early in a less-serious setting of a camp. and of course my close friend went for the camp with me too, after that she asked me if i want to join the Geog Soc.

i honestly have no idea what Geog Soc was about, and the position i’m running for was: anything in the Publications Cell (director/executive) and then anything in the Marketing Cell (cos i want to learn new things). evidently during the informal interview, i was not aware and had no idea being a member of Geog Soc meant you have to be involved in really most or even all of its activities. i thought i was in there to help make a magazine only!

in addition i guess i am pretty good with talking in public cos i actually zoned out when i talk in public therefore i have little notion of public-speaking phobia (cos most of the time i’m not 100% myself even though i may speak really well).. and after our election speech we got elected into the Publications Cell.

the 1st year journey…
so i was part of a 19-member committee, pretty big and good mix of seniors and juniors.. also a really fun group of people to be with, we hang out together most of the time.

just a disclaimer, it doesn’t mean when one is in Geog Soc we only hang out with our “own people”… there is definitely a tendency for us to stick with each other and i won’t deny it.
i mean since we’re working partners in CCA and if we are taking the same classes, these are the people whose schedules most likely fit with yours… add to that the frequency of seeing these people during Geog Soc “work hours” increases your level of comfort around them.
it’s the same as why you would stick with your friends and not random classmates when you are in class.and honestly sometimes we just have little energy to be proactive in “engaging” new friends cos after the CCA duties you really just want to have comfortable down-time.

BUT if you are a Geography major reading this and knows any MC member of Geog Soc, you can speak to us and i assure you every single one will be willing to make friends with you or at least be friendly and welcoming towards you. of course it would be good if we can be active in knowing more people but i give credit to my fellow Geog Soc friends for having tried reaching out through the “gateway” of organizing Geog Soc activities.

moving on first year was really busy plus being a newbie in university, half the time i couldn’t make sense of what i was doing.. my mind just told me to: “finish doing what you need to do, just do it to your best ability and don’t question because you have no time to ponder.” stupid as it may sound, but yes this was my motto going through year one.

i guess when the term ended my “leaped of faith” paid off, and i made friends whom i am still so thankful for. then came the decision to join again or not?

the 2nd year journey…
i honestly didn’t think i want to join Geog Soc as an MC member again, cos i was really really tired from my 1st year. but part of me wants to join because honestly i am afraid that i will not see my friends anymore (yes another childish reason on my part). but anyways my friend joined and i promise her i will too, to support her through her term.

i almost backed out on my word, like honestly anyone who see me at that period will probably think i’m in douche mode. but then it is a promise i made, and the last thing i want is to backed out on a promise and make myself a real douche.. so i continued with my second year term.

resolute not to make myself so tired (although still very tired or maybe as a 2nd year im numbed towards being tired? LOL)…basically i tried ways to make myself more discipline, i become more of an observer and do-er in the sense i don’t do things blindly anymore. the 2nd year in Geog Soc taught me different things, and i spent more time to know people outside of Geog Soc as well, yes i realized that i will have friends/i will make friends even if i am not in Geog Soc MC anymore.. hahaha

as i type this, i would already not be a part of the active management committee of Geog Soc cos my term ended with a new team elected.
i won’t deny it has been a really really liberating feeling to know i am no longer part of the Management Committee, but at the same time it is bitter sweet knowing you have to pass on the responsibility to a new group of better men and women.

part of me can’t let go of what we have achieved as a comm and even more so when i have experienced this with two committees, but i know if you ask me now i will say my blurness from joining Geog Soc at first was probably one of the best mistakes and i wouldn’t want it another way.. here is why.

1. from Geog Soc i found such a close and good group of friends that I know i want to make an effort to maintain the friendship and also keep in contact with.

Sidenote: This group of people gave me a surprise 21st birthday celebration and where else in the world will i get this if not for Geog Soc? so much love typing this down ❤

2. from Geog Soc, I GREW UP. i can say i am no longer as blur (although still blur), i can say that it shows me what priorities i have (because when you are busy you forced to choose and prioritise what things and values are truly important to you), i can say that it taught me skills that i won’t get from an academic module.

3. i can say that it made me become a better person. if i have the tendency to be a selfish/proud person, through Geog Soc i’ve met people so much better than myself, it is a good humbling experience. i start to believe that everyone and every situation is a learning opportunity.

4. it made me be aware that sometimes it is up to us to be conscious of showing other people respect and accepting alternative ideas from others. we all know how to say this but few of us actively practice it. Geog Soc gave me a platform to put this into practice, although i’m not perfect in this but i know i am better at it now.

5. it strengthen my idea of being responsible, it is not about answering to other people but it is about not letting yourself down and not dragging others down.

6. it taught me that everything happens for a reason. through this i choose to adopt a positive mindset that my “leaped of faith” becomes something that is a wonderful mistake and a blessing in disguise.

this is meant to be a reflection and not a preaching post, and if any junior ever asked me what Geog Soc does i will probably say: like any organization and experiences that you may have encountered, it is a place training you to be a better person and a place for you to learn, but only if you set to bring in a responsible mindset and attitude into it.

and of course Geog Soc lets you meet people who like and love the discipline of Geography too, hopefully it helps to connect like-minded people together..

Relationships.

Different, many, close, distant, intimate, acquaintance and personal.

relationships exist in different forms, no matter what they are i’ve come to experience it more and more for myself that they are very personal.
perhaps it’s because i’m leaving for exchange soon, these ‘minute’ things and taken for granted connections i have with other people seem to become more and more obvious to me.. perhaps even taking on new meanings.

this is more of a reflection on my part and i guess i will touch on the different kinds i’ve personally experienced 🙂

on friendship…
you know how sometimes you have friends that you don’t necessarily talk to them often, maybe i’m bad at maintaining relationships or i am not proactive enough.. anyways when you do want to catch up with them (even for just a short chat), these friends accept you and would be your listener and conversation partner regardless of how long ago you have ceased to keep in constant contact with them.

just as you have feelings of pessimism or optimism that you felt it but can’t spell it out, i think friends are people who allow you to feel like this, perhaps this is the human connection? emotion: just very very thankful and blessed to have friends like these, because i am not a good one, but i’m willing to be there for you if you ask me anytime.

on family…
i never thought i was a good family member. i was always the one that ‘disappear’ to attend my own ‘business’, or sometimes i’ll be stuck in my own thoughts and things i want to do that i become so absorbed to the extent of giving my family the cold shoulder.  and frankly speaking since i came back from FS i’ve only stayed fully at home for two days..

as the day draws near, i know i will be reluctant to leave.. perhaps i’m the kind that have knowledge that something/someone is there for me but i will not be proactive in engaging that thing/person until i’m actively conscious of it. my worst track record was not calling home while overseas and my parents had to call the hotel (evil child me :/)

but these days i’ve been hoping to catch up with my parents before leaving, i guess i’m taking a step forward and inviting them to catch a movie with me. maybe exchange will make me appreciate my family more and become a better and less self-absorbed member.

on <3…
wow not even sure how i would touch on this seeing my lack of experience?! but i guess the first is always memorable (good or bad), it teaches you something. i know my first taught me the need to have more communication and try harder, and when all’s the past i just feel sorry for not being the better person in a relationship.

most of the time i can’t help it that i don’t really express myself well or express enough, and if anything i want to thank my first experience for teaching me not to take things for granted.. even though it didn’t end very well..

on strangers…
contrary to my interaction with people supposedly closer and directly in my circle of connection, i oddly converse proactively with strangers (in particular older people). i wouldn’t mind chatting them up and just speaking to them, i feel even more so after FS when Dr Carl mentioned that nobody is definitely random or a stranger..

but as i write this post, i realised that most exchanges with outsiders are superficial and have little impact on my life (except when i learn about their outlook and chew on it…). personally i think intimate exchanges with people closer to you are important but also the hardest to be at ease with.

ending off, despite all the reflection/introspection (i hope)… i guess i am still a passionate person, such that if i love you i’ll love even your stinky socks..or as Chinese saying goes 情人眼里出西施; and i speak for the different relationship connections i have with various people.

for now i’ll be around to make the most of my time with my family before forgetting about them when i’m on exchange which i hope i’ll not be doing~

You want to get away but then..

You want to get away but then you know you will stay around just so you can have a clean break. 

i really really need a proper break from things in school, and i will tell myself to hang in there for another week. and i choose to believe things will work out and because i really tried my best in whatever circumstances im in now.. 

haha you know how sometimes when you are seeking people for wisdom or comfort? but all you found are words and texts, even then it is good enough… because these texts you get comfort and wisdom from, have human input after all.. 

 

快乐起来

在你还没有遇到挫折的时候,请因为过得平淡而快乐起来。
在你回想起那天生气的时候,请因为自己反思了而快乐起来。
在你还没有遇到孤单的时候,请因为有人与你结伴而快乐起来。

你快乐吗?这个问题很深奥,快乐是什么?我不懂什么才叫做快乐,但是我知道自己想要追求着快乐。快乐对我来说是无时无刻都感到踏实,无时无刻都享受着自己周围带给我的惊喜,无时无刻都知道我在真心地体验这个世界。无可否认快乐在你最真诚的时候它来到了你的身边,即使那一刻是短暂的。

请逼着自己快乐,这听起来不自然但是做起来是另外一回事。。。因为

如果你对着镜子笑一百遍,总有一遍会是发自内心的。:)

随想

有时候看到美好的事物会对它产生好感,又或许想占为己有。但是因为不曾拥有过所以也不懂得表达对此物的情感。最后在你真的无法拥有的时候,你同时上了宝贵的一课:有时放手也是你“拥有”对此物的最佳情感,因为你脑海里所联想到的美好在还没被破坏之前才永远属于你。
 
”你觉得我单纯,那是因为你单纯。你觉得我善良,那是因为你善良。你觉得我有趣,那是因为你有趣。你觉得我天真,那是因为你天真。你单纯善良天真有趣,我怎么可能允许自己错过你。你拥有什么,才能看见什么。“ -刘同 
 
谢谢你刘同,让我的伪文青又犯了。。