I always thought i’m so beyond the scared for results or outcome thing… at least i hoped to be so now that i look at it rationally…
but evidently not, and you know the feeling that
1) you used to be confident, and even feeling alright with yourself but then,
2) time has passed and the next thing you know you are facing uncertainty and you can no longer feel like 1) cos it seemed so long ago. the thing is “seemed so long ago”
it seemed such a dreary process that even recollecting how hard i worked seemed like something so distant, and i only banked it on the fact that i quite enjoyed what i did back then.
i can only hope that it reaps good outcome and that when i look back tomorrow, that perpetual and inevitable feeling of “i could have” will not catch up on me.
or actually more importantly i will be satisfied, contented, pleased with myself if i do see what i hope to see.. as a saying goes, “i forgive myself and give myself chances”. perhaps our society should value more on this phrase, because more often than not we remain to be the harshest critiques of ourselves.
ps: it’s this uncertain feeling that i get and i never really felt it before this, i hope it will be something pleasant… but i dont know since i rarely and almost never experienced it before.