For a short while, after a hiatus…

Have been “abandoning” blogging for quite some time now, mainly cos I don’t see the need to share my thoughts as i get older. but this post is really something close to my heart at the moment…

when we talk about students, we often assume that they cannot be bothered with their learning. while it is true for some, recently, i have actually encountered the majority – students who do care about their progress and education, even if they are not the cream of the crop. i think this is my blessing.

today is the day i experienced this thing called: “you regret what you don’t do”.

i questioned myself, would it be different if i had prepared? would i feel better if i prepared? and the answer.. it would not be different, but i would feel better if i did prepare. because i know i have tried.

on my part i was afraid that having put in preparation, only to receive a bad outcome, would demoralise the students.

most of the time we don’t want to realise our own shortcomings, or be reminded of them. yet, it is those moments that define who we are, and our potential if we had faced them courageously.

today, i may have lost, we may have lost… but personally i’ve learnt a lesson, do things so that you won’t regret. and of course, for those whom i am fortunate enough to meet – these brilliant and talented students, i hope they understand this lesson too.

lastly, more importantly knowing that: we are defined by our attitude and the heart we put into the things we do and experience. overtime, lessons from these  are accumulated, allowing us to learn and improve.

today, i learnt my lesson. and i decided to put this episode behind me, and continue my quest to see the positive in every situation.

thanks for reading, even if no one actually is reading.

打打字

曾经看过一句话:“那些有空炫耀或显摆的的人其实都活得不够充实,或许也肤浅。真正沉浸在当下的人们,哪里还有时间和功夫去炫耀呢?”

每次看到这句话不禁会感慨,我们到底处在什么样的时代?

聪明的时代,聪明的人们。。。那么为什还拼了命地显摆?这样好像很不具智慧啊。

愚蠢的时代,愚昧的人们。。。那么为什么还是有好多新鲜事物被挖掘了呢?这类的创新也需要智慧吧?

可能这个复杂的时代一直都存在,只是随着科技的发达它的存在已逐渐明显

题外话:有时令我不解的是为什么我说的或者支持的东西好像被无视了。但是随着时间的证明与沉淀,我的观点又被认可了,只是那时候人们已经不再记得这曾是我提出的观点。有时我也想证明什么,即便这么做好像很肤浅。

或许我们都是矛盾体。

PS:其实我就是想打打字。。。

inspired, everyday.

They say a picture paints a thousand words, and that was how i started my Instagram journey. of course as a teenager it was to keep up with social media trends, and basically just explore things that appear to be hip and cool (whatever they mean back then and now).

anyways i have always thought that any pictures can express and make links to what i have to share.. however, today i couldn’t find any picture that expresses what i wish to say, at least i was not convinced that any picture will do justice to it. so i am penning down some long thoughts here.

this is a story about a friend, whom i had the pleasure to know when i just finished my JC years. i was working under her as a mentee, and my 6 months there proved to be invaluable and exciting. it forged the kind of work ethic that i would keep now and hope to still maintain in future. while we no longer keep in constant contact, i could still read about her updates on social media.

so this is her story. on this special Mothers’ Day, i see her as an inspiration.

throwback to five years ago… when i got to know her, she was taking her part-time degree, hence juggling work, studies, and being a mother. as a bystander, i was really in awe, how did she manage all these and still be so good and so ready everyday for every event in her life?

fast-forward to today… she chose to share that one of her child was diagnosed with autism, and gave her thanks on mother’s day for all the help and warmth she has receive. of course she moved on and painted these encounters with a pinch of salt. i am not a mother, but seeing her post, she is an inspiration.

maybe this story is not just about her. maybe this story is a reflection of how we go about in our everyday lives… how we thought that the events, experiences and emotions we had were the greatest and most important.

maybe this story is a reminder that, no matter what we are going through, everyone else is embarking on their own ride, one that is full of ups and downs. some chose to share it publicly to garner awareness or sympathy, and some, like my friend, picked herself up and carried on with optimism, in silent.

everyone has their own preference, and today i am inspired by the latter. the kind of everyday heroes who showed the world through their silent but powerful actions. this is the kind that i am inspired by and respect the most. thank you, Jenn for being an inspiration. and Happy Mothers’ Day to my own mother and all mothers i know 🙂

 

 

power of words

“Remember it is okay to speak up, and you will earn respect for doing so”.

a mentor once said this to me, and it has since become a reminder to myself.

nevertheless, to speak up is also to wield the power of words. i still that think regardless of what we speak up for, make every word count… and not because it is simply our opinion 🙂

It is up to me

Some time back I read a friend’s post about how she received feedback about her inadequacies, and she also expressed her acknowledgement of all these feedback. It is tough, and at the same time she had hoped that her audience will be more forgiving and understanding.

well at first glance, it is true that as an outsider we can be really critical and harsh. however, when i think of her episode and tried to imagine it happening to myself… i honestly have no perfect answer.

nevertheless something remains… i will assume that my audience is not mature enough to make the right judgement call, but as someone who is there to guide them, i want to be a role model for them.

each day, i want to walk in to my class with my baggage left outside the classroom. to make the promise that i will not allow them to be subjects of my emotional release.

each day, i want to walk in knowing i have given my best at that moment. regardless of how receptive they are, they can feedback to me (both the good and the bad). to make the promise to them that i will try harder and be better. not because i can, but because i have the responsibility and maturity to show them how to react to adverse circumstances.

it is a marathon, it is tiring, but it is also a choice that we must actively make to embrace all these. i make that choice for now. #harrypotterfan #yourchoicesdefineyou

 

better people, better person

When we meet people better than ourselves, don’t you just feel like you have to work harder and become better too? Not to compete, but just in order to not feel minute about yourself.

Maybe this is a lack of confidence thing, but maybe… acknowledging it is also a first step towards being a better version of yourself.

going back

Going back to where?

sometimes we revisit passages and moments in our lives, and realised… they are not too bad to begin with. yet as with many things they pass through the passage of time,to be outgrown, to be forgotten, only to be revisited again.

i wish to be free, a feeling that does not need me to seek for freedom nor validation from anyone, including myself. i used to be able to do that, now i think i will explore to going back to that state…

Exploring why you do what you do…

Hi, it’s a pretty random post but perhaps also one stemming from revelation. It is Week 3 of trainee-ship, meaning there are seven more weeks to go. Seven more weeks before I really get the hang of my ‘job’, and learn the ropes of how to do things ‘correctly’ and ‘nicely’.

Let’s unpack the sentence above…

‘job’, actually my choice of work is not just a job, at least not to me. At least for a long time since a few years back, I begin to realise that choosing this particular pathway means that I will not see it as just an income earning job. It is something bigger, and I still believe in it even if people tell me otherwise.

‘correctly’, three weeks into trainee-ship… I realised there is no correct way, there is the right way. Right refers to maximising good choices and good outcomes, while minimising the bad ones. Correct is too restrictive, too stifling, because when you deal with individuals there is just no single formula aka the correct way.

‘nicely’, still trying to figure this out. Again from observation, how ‘nice’ is being executed differs for everyone. Yet, the common thing is they just seem so natural, so reasonable and so effective. I know that with experience, the nice parts will surface more naturally, but I also hope it will be something I have in me too.

Anyways, so I was talking to a few seniors. Then I read something, and come to realised that… No matter what baggage a person has, there is always that ‘right thing’ to do.

That choice to be focus in the present, maximise and immerse yourself in the moment, and just make the most of it. It applies to working on a difficult head-cracking project, learning and focusing in the classroom, executing and delivering lessons, enjoying the company of strangers or people you know… Just being in the moment, it may be the best way to seek respite. Call it escaping reality or anything you want, at least there is an avenue to give yourself a chance to, begin again, for that short period.

Suddenly thinking about this, I think I may have found a possible response to “why I do what I do”.

PS: I am beginning to start my sentences with Capital letters again…

Time and communication

2016 has started on quite an uneasy mood? i can’t really pinpoint what’s wrong, maybe it’s school work piling up, maybe it’s anxiety about where i am going next, or maybe it is still doubt about whether i can perform on my job, or maybe it’s annoyance at why are people “acting up”

perhaps for the start of 2016 some mood and thoughts are quite unsettling.. why do i feel the way i do, why do i not understand people’s emotions, or why am i unhappy about people’s choices/way of expression.

and as usual, i don’t think these negative emotions are made known to people around me. i am coming to terms that i need to digest things on my own first, and if i really need help i will go to people for help. sometimes this is also the reason why i write letters. sometimes this is why people think i have no emotions~

so coming back to time and communication… it started with an unhappy sentiment that i held towards my parents. personally i really dislike loud noises or just conflict in general (i am the dove in DOPE test, this one i strongly believe in, don’t ask why.), and inevitably in a home you get all sorts of interactions (happy moments and conflicts too). recently it’s just a general vibe that everyone is getting impatient towards each other and my response is to ignore everyone. to the point that i am keeping to myself or just barking at others when they break that moment of solitude… of course it proves to be unhealthy.

anyways yesterday on a chanced encounter i asked the usual “so what happened to … that you mentioned”although i have no idea why i asked, it’s just a gut feeling that maybe i need to show that i care, and i am glad i did. my parents shared things they encountered from work, and basically it is just them sharing what happened at work or what troubled them. it was nothing like i need your advice, it was simply sharing and through the sharing i learnt how they deal with things too~

at the end of our conversation, the mood seems to lighten up… all those feelings of impatient and annoyance since the beginning of 2016 disappeared. thinking back, everything do happen for a reason… had i known that they were feeling troubled, i would be more forgiving. and i am still trying to work on this –> to let it go when someone is exuding horrible attitude. but i guess i am just human and it’s okay to have negative sentiments~

then when i think back about communication… how do we get someone to share with us? personally i wouldn’t unless i really need to, and i do think the kind of person you are affects the kind of approaches you deal with people. i usually think my friends/people around me will tell me things if they want to, if not no point asking right…

to pen this down is really quite cathartic, at least i found a reason for feeling horrible or annoyed.. and while there are still worries or things that occupies me, i am slowly coming to terms that the complexities of emotions make us human. but, how we make sense of these complexities, how we handle/deal with them, make us the kind of person we are.

新春快乐~

PS: nts,  废话,领悟到但是行动起来还是有点挑战的吧~

随笔-2016

2016年第一篇文章。

其实能遇到一个接受你任何面貌的人是件幸运的事,在这份幸运的背后更多是不辜负。。所以有了好多“但是” 对吧?这只是最近的感慨~

其次,毕业半年后的成长更加明显了。。。少了学生时代的纯粹、直接,多了适应与摸索的不安。

改变是必然的,愿我们在道路上依然坚持前进,成为比以往更优秀的自己。加油 🙂